Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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