if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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