My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
