I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The air taste purple.
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