genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
