So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize