You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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