Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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