everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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