its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Less talking, more tequila
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
