Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
