i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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