you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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