Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
