ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Houston, we have a blender
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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