I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
