maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
