I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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