My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
