So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
