My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and she was petting her beer can
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
