I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
