6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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