I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
