think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize