Define "chronic" masturbator.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
