Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize