There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
