Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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