Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
