Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont even know how to be here
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
