maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
