I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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