I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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