he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
