just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
