You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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