Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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