what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
