She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
