She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
