There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
