I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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