So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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