I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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