I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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