How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I deserve this hangover.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
