sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
