What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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