Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
