I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
