just tell him i said nine months
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
