i'm signing you up for texting rehab
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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