if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
