If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
