That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
