she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
