awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize