I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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