dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
