They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
