Your tits are I can't wait for
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize