this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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