Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
