Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He did a backflip because drugs
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